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May: Mothers and Daughters
Take Care of YOU, Mom, Because Your Daughters are Watching
My choice of this month’s subject was not driven solely by the May celebration of Mothers, but also because my own dear mother is coming for a visit all the way from Germany, so she has been on my mind more than normally.
The connection between mothers and daughters is unlike any other in the world. We look up to our mothers, learn from them how to live, eat, deal with life and its stressors. It is mostly the mothers who cook, so we learn from them what is “good food” and what is going to be considered as “comfort food” by our bodies, minds, and souls for the rest of our lives. So, as mothers, we have an incredible responsibility. Yet how are we supposed to pass on healthy habits when we ourselves didn't grow up with them, and are still sneering at “Ezekiel bread” and healthy options?
We need to rock the boat. Our own and our preconceived notions. Health now is defined so differently than 40, 30, and 20 years ago, when you and I were little kids. Nowadays a smoking mother is regarded in line with a serial killer. In former times it was the norm. Now we need to be Chemists, Nutritionists, always on top of the latest research — often to be questioned and even judged by neighbors and well meaning friends. More stress. More fear of doing things wrong.
Relax. You are doing a great job. Your children will grow up despite you. In the process of giving children all they want and could ever dream of having a lot of parents go to the extreme of having children decide what to eat as soon as they can somehow utter an opinion. As a healthcare practitioner I see that as a worrisome trend. This last generation, i.e. children from 0–20 years old, have grown and are growing up on fried foods. And pizza. Chicken fingers. French Fries. Mac and Cheese. Do you have any idea what that does to a child’s foundation for health??? Nothing good. There is barely any nutritional value in any of the above-mentioned junk-foods. Fried foods, in the Chinese Medicine view, are extremely hard to digest and lead to heaviness — of the whole system (lethargy, tiredness) and weight wise. There are no vitamins or minerals or trace elements in any of those foods. So, in the years of growing up, when the body needs all the good ingredients that vegetables and fruit have, we put fried “comfort foods” in. And create sweet cravings by supplying sweets whenever they are desired. How can those children become healthy adults, and subsequently health conscious parents themselves?
A child takes the impetus of what good food is from the parents. If we are picky about what we eat, so will the child be. If the rule is you eat what is served, and at least try anything new and then you can decide if you like it or not, you open the culinary world to your children. And if you serve a balanced, nutritious diet to you and your whole family, the stress level actually sinks. Someone said “I like balance. I see it when I swing by.” It is hard to keep balance with anything. It is hard to change habits and stop addictions. I am not disregarding that fact. It actually takes courage to change the direction of the nutritional boat which you have been on with your family. I grew up with a family that made fun of healthy foods, because we had no concept and no examples of tasty healthy foods. At that time healthy meant without salt or fat, and that really is pretty disgusting when you are not used to that. It took me a while of tasting delicious healthy foods to figure out that it is not mutually exclusive: health and taste.
You can start simply: get a steamer insert for a normal cooking pot, get some broccoli and steam it. You will find that it is delicious, sweet and lovely, without any butter or butter substitute! Doesn't even need salt!!! Another favorite in my house is a dish of organic carrots with a little bit of butter and cinnamon. Makes a sweet treat as a vegetable side dish, loved by the whole family. Delicious and nutritious.
Some of us are also in the situation where our mothers are needing help as they are getting older. That is very challenging, too. The caretaker isn't the rock any more and starts needing some support and help from us. That is a scary time. Make sure you still have some you-time. Take care of you. If you are hungry, eat something supportive. If you are angry, go for a walk/exercise, talk to a friend, or consider getting therapy. If you are lonely, find friends or same interest groups to exchange ideas and not feel so alone. If you are tired: Listen to your body when it needs rest. All of that spells out: HALT. Take care of those needs and you will find life to not be as burdensome and tiring.
Show your daughters that it is OK to take care of yourself. Teach by example. Don't try to say: Do as I say, not as I do — those are double binds. The big deal about Mother's Day is pretty strange when we consider that mothers should really be honored 365 days a year. Most mothers have jobs and do the household and keep the family running. Honor yourself by taking better care of you. Feed yourself health. Get support. Get pampered, get a massage, come see a healthcare provider that helps you with your stress. Go sit by the beach. Don't forget we live in paradise, because there are so many time draining activities. Have a wonderful Mother's day. Teach your daughters how to honor the mother within. Love yourself.
